12/20/24
It’s overwhelming sometimes when I think about how things are now and the past battles I had. On more occasions than there are fingers on a hand I had put my self in a place to end it. From draino to a handgun to now owning everything around me isn’t how I expected my story to unfurl. But having everything isn’t what i’m really grateful for it’s the people I had and have, my dad, my mom, and my brothers.
It was a bad childhood and even now some things are ingrained in my character that I haven’t worked out yet. But to understand, see, and feel how you two have changed as I became an adult is something I know to be precious. I’m sorry for the things I did and the worry I put onto you two I was chasing the wrong things. I know that you will always be watching over me and having my back. To express my love entirely would feel like your spirit leaving your body it’s something that can’t be surmised by thousands of hugs and i love you’s. I know death is coming and I will never be able to recover the pieces of my heart that I will lose those days but I hope you get to see much more of my dreams before it’s time 💌
To Kori I don’t know if I ever got to say it but you saved my life, if i wasn’t able to see you as an outlet I was going to lose my mind. You were the first one to see me at my lowest willingly and unwillingly at times. It’s been 5years but I still think of you weekly, keep living through me, and watch as I become what I think you saw me as 👨🎓
To Josh you are my big brother and I can’t help but tear up writing this and thinking about you. I can’t remember my childhood and I know you had it harder than me please always do the best thing for you. I can’t understand how you were always the cool one, the naturally better gamer, and able to figure it out. The stoicism in spite of every adversity makes me cringe because I know I wouldn’t handle it that way. Forever in this life I will do anything for you, honor you, and love you because i’m your little brother😢🥹
Life is good and I hope everyone can experience my happiness one day. Tomorrow challenges be damned because I command my life not the problems.
Submitted January 13, 2025 at 07:08AM by halveclosedeyes
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