Transparency via /r/gratitude

When I was with my ex for over 20 years I always had something to hide from him. Always. So I would hide things in places that i was pretty sure he never had a reason to look. I don't really understand why I hid things from him at first, they were just things I didn't want to advertise about myself to him. Over the years the things got worse, I got into addiction really bad and had hiding places everywhere. I'm ashamed of myself for this and he had good reason to leave. I accept that. Since then I've gotten better and have husband that I don't feel the need to hide things from. Anyway – yesterday I was looking for a heating pad that I recently put away so I knew it was under my nose but I just couldn't find it. I asked Mark if he had seen it and he said no. I looked a few different places but no dice. Later on while I was taking a shower my hubby came in to tell me that he found it. And I was so excited! It's soooo sweet of him to keep looking for it for me. I was feeling so lucky and then it dawned on me ….. I don't have to do things alone anymore. I put myself in a position to always have to find things on my own for over twenty years due to the fear of my ex finding my secrets. So I'd never let on that I was ever looking for something, you know what I mean? Now I don't even think about it, I can just ask for help without that fear of my husband finding my secrets. Because I don't have any anymore. I can be my flawed self without worry now. It's a beautiful thing! I'm grateful for transparency because it's an important type of freedom that I never let myself experience before.